Kedrick's 5th Birthday

From the time I was a freshman in high school, I have had a job.  My first job was as a Summer Camp Aide at the YMCA in Klamath Falls, Oregon the summer before my Sophomore year.  During the next couple of years, I worked at a snack bar at the local skating rink, worked as a day care aide and various other “high school” jobs.  After my Junior year, I moved to California to live with my mom, and worked for her on her “game bird farm.”  What this meant was I shoveled tons of quail, pigeon, pheasant and other kinds of bird poop, collected eggs, killed sick birds, caught birds to take to the market, and many other unpleasant tasks.  As soon as I graduated, I sought a less stinky working environment and somehow landed a job as a receptionist at a insurance company during the day, and a clerk at the video store next door in the evenings and weekends.  When my insurance company boss wanted to make the relationship more than professional (I was 18, he was in his 30’s and married… ewwww) I politely turned him down, asked for a reference, and started doing books for a couple that owned several companies.  Eventually, I went from doing the bookkeeping and receptionist duties and was gradually stolen away by the wife to work for her graphic design company.  I learned on the job on the very first little Macintosh computers, with their monochrome 4″ screen and no hard drive.

Since that time, 22 years ago, I have always worked in the field of graphic design.  It has ranged from old school burning negatives and plates, using a waxer to build page layouts, to running two different school district printing departments.  Unless I was on maternity leave, I worked full-time.  I took a two year break when my children were in elementary school, so that I could volunteer in their classes, do more field trips and spend more time with them overall.  I worked still, but part-time, and often took the kids with me to work.  Two years was all I could take, and I was soon back to working full-time (although I always tried to stay involved with school and extra-curricular activities).  Despite working full-time, I did taxi duty, and was a choir and football mom.

From 2001 to 2003 I was in the Army.  Crazy, i know.  It was a mid-life crisis, I have to get away from my ex-husband or go crazy kind of thing.  In some ways it was good, but in many ways it was bad.  Not the Army part, but the fact that my ex-husband was ill-equipped for the responsibilities of fatherhood without me there to do it all.  Shortly after I left, my daughter got sick, and he fell apart.  Alcoholism and depression soon followed.  After I returned home from the Army, I began to pick up the pieces.  In 2005, my daughter’s health took a sudden turn for the worse, and she nearly had to have a liver transplant.  I was working at the school district at the time, a new hire in charge of their printing department.  In six-weeks time, I had used up all my leave for the entire year.  I stayed for another year, but my daughters frequent trips to UCSF led me to turn in my resignation, as the department needed someone who had less personal issues to deal with.  One of my old bosses had been emailing me for months, saying she needed a graphic designer.  It was less pay than the school district, and no benefits, but it gave me the flexibility I needed to care for my kids and still work full time.

All that changed two years ago.  My son was hit by a car on November 2nd, 2007 (he spent 11 days in the hospital and had 3 surgeries.  His dad and I alternated 24-hour shifts at the hospital, and I was finally able to bring him home November 13th.  He had a broken right femur and a completely blown out left knee, as well as a broken left hand and arm.  He was completely dependent, having to use a slide board to transfer from hospital bed to wheelchair, and needed assistance using the restroom.  He required in-home physical therapy to prevent blood clots and to stimulate improvement with the “drop-foot” he was experiencing.  Soon after that, my daughters ulcerative colitis flared, requiring frequent emergency room visits and trips to see her G.I. specialists in San Francisco.  Holding down a full time job became extremely difficult.  My hours were sporadic, with physical therapy and doctor appointments during the day, and then my working at the print shop in the evenings and weekends.  Late February, I discovered  I was pregnant, and added the visits associated with a high-risk pregnancy to the mix.

April 29th, 2008 my son had reconstructive surgery and my daughter had a colectomy (surgical removal of the colon, or large bowel) with a resulting ileostomy stoma.  Yes, due to circumstances beyond my control, these surgeries were scheduled on the same day, one at UCSF Mt. Zion and one at UCSF Children’s Hospital.  I was 5 months pregnant at the time.  I stayed with her during surgery and recovery, and the first two days she was hospitalized.  My son’s dad drove up from Los Angeles, and stayed with him during his surgery and recovery.  Until my son was discharged, I took the U.C.S.F. Shuttle between the two hospitals to spend time with each child, sleeping on the little fold out bed in my daughter’s room each night.  When my son was discharged, I drove him home, spent a couple of days with my fiance and my 6 year old son, and then went back to the hospital to bring home my daughter.  My daughter’s recovery was difficult, and dealing with two post-operative teenagers was taxing, to say the least.  Adjusting to life with an ileostomy pouch was difficult for my daughter, and even proved a challenge for the home health nurse who was assigned to her.  Finally, the right type of pouch was found, she learned to care for her stoma herself, and her general health improved.  My son’s recovery from surgery was difficult, and he experienced (and still does) a great deal of pain.  Still, through all this, I kept working.  My fiance was a great help, and my 6 year old spent a lot of time with his dad when things were crazy.

In June of 2008, my perinatologist had me going in for mon-stress tests twice weekly, I was seeing my high-risk OB bi-weekly, having a level 2 ultrasound monthly, and taking the kids to physical therapy and clinic appointments.  I was having difficulty gaining weight and my stress level was thought the roof.  I asked our family doctor to take me off work (I already had trained my replacement at work), and I went on disability.  After my pregnancy leave was up, I talked to my boss and realized that her business had fallen to the point where she could not afford two graphic designers.  She had already let her daughter go and her husband was only running the presses part-time.  Since the new designer was working for lower wages than I had been paid, she laid me off (an agreeable solution for everyone).

Since that time, our area has been hit by extremely high unemployment, and graphic designers looking for work (or trying to freelance) are a dime a dozen.  I am trying to learn the in’s and out of freelance writing, as well as web design, until such time as California’s economy turns around.  My goal is to replace the income I used to make when I worked full time with a comparable freelance income.  You can see what I am up to at my other blog, My Mompreneur Life.  My life is still crazy, and this was really just a glossing over of what life is like.  One thing I have learned through all this is that you can’t control life.  When I talk to other moms who have children with health concerns, the consensus is the same… No matter what gets thrown at you, no matter if you are sure you just cannot handle anything else , you just do.

This used to be true.  Once upon a time, California represented hope, a strong economy, a place where you could plan for the future.  As a California lifer, looking at our current state of affairs is heartbreaking.  How did it get this way?  Was it greed, stupidity, our generosity to all who came to paradise?  Probably all of the above, and yet, none of that matters now.  The past cannot be changed, the proposition that allows our budget to be held hostage each and every time it comes around is a fact of life.  The question is, where do we go from here?  What do the businesses who rely on contracts with the state do with the IOU’s that will come their way?  Can they stick it out… or will our ranks of unemployed swell even higher?

The services that the state supplies to those in need… Families like my own, who have wage earners, yet live from red notice to red notice.  Medicare and medi-cal recipients such as those members of my family who are disabled, who have received notice that vision and dental care will no longer be provided.  My SSI dependent step-mother recently had to pay $150 for a x-ray and cleaning.  That represents around 20% of her monthly benefit.  When it comes to choose between dental care and food, what will she choose?

Our cities are cutting services such as fire and police at a drastic rate.  As the homeless problem grows, and the number of people on the street who are unable to get the mental health care they need to be safe to themselves and others becomes more prevalent, we will lack the police resources necessary to deal with the fallout.  As I look out on my small town streets, read my small town paper, and see how the impact is already beginning to be felt, I can only imagine the reipple effect these decisions will have throughout the state, and the lives of all who live here.

California… Take it or leave it?  You tell me.