DoozieLife

I think every mom has her moments. Moments of inexplicable joy, times of overwhelming sadness, and days filled frustration. Being a mom is not for the faint of heart. You work hard, you play hard, and you love hard. On the whole, motherhood is as rewarding as it gets. This reward comes at a price. As a mom, you have to give. You give a lot of yourself, your time, your privacy and your sense of autonomy. At times, you may find that you have let the scales tip, and have given so much that you deplete your mom reserves.

This is where I have been the past couple of weeks. I let my worries over my family, my need to get a “business plan” in place, and frustration over the state of chaos in my home overwhelm me. I put myself on a self-imposed strike, thinking that if I just stopped cooking and cleaning, everyone would have an epiphany and step up their game. All I did was gain a lot of everyone looking at everyone else and pointing fingers. Dishes piled up, no one cooked, and I bought drive thru. Then I was stressing over the money I was spending on that. I started staying up half the night, and sleeping in half the day. I lacked energy and motivation. I didn’t even want to go out of the house. Thank heavens my daughter (who lives in her own apartment), saw that I needed a mental break and stepped in. She ran errands for me, cooked dinner for us one night, and went grocery shopping.

Finally, last Friday, I pulled my head out of my ass and took stock of the situation. I stopped the boys from hiring someone to clean house (yea, it had gotten that bad) and started to get the house back in order. I did load after load of laundry and scoured the bathroom. I dealt with a client that I had been at a loss with, and got a game plan together for that project. Saturday, I took my six year old to Six Flags to make up for not giving him the attention he deserved, and I took my daughter along to show her I appreciated all her help.

I believe that if I had let this ride much longer, if I hadn’t admitted to myself that things were out of control, I would have gone beyond dabbling with depression into being fully engulfed. I was close to wallowing in self-pity, and at times it felt good. It was easier to be angry and frustrated than to really look at what was going on around me and admit that I needed to take action. I need to learn to keep things in perspective, and realize that although I can’t be everything to everyone, I am doing the best I can. I will take one day at a time and try and be the best mom and partner I can be while keeping the scales tipped in my favor.